Not to toot my own horn, but a decade ago I was really smart.
I graduated college with honors. I could hold a conversation with just about anyone, and I was able to learn new things with minimal effort.
Now, it’s a miracle I can tie my own shoes. Well, I think I can. I wear slip on shoes for convenience while hauling kids out the door, so it’s hard to say for sure. I rarely remember what day of the week it is, and if my brain wasn’t literally attached to my body – I’d lose that along with my keys, phone, and everything else I own.
Mom brain is a real thing. The hormones associated with pregnancy and childbirth affect the functionality of the brain forever. I’m sure it doesn’t help when my four-year-old comes crying to tell me that his sister thought about following him, but didn’t, while I’m trying to remember where I set the list of things I didn’t want to forget to do. Add in the exhaustion mothering brings (and I’m sure teen years, too) and I’m on the slippery slope of cognitive decline.
Recent studies show the volume of brain matter decreases in pregnancy. While that doesn’t inherently mean it’s the cause of my ever shrinking IQ (sometimes less can be more) the combination of gray matter decreasing and symptoms reported by moms around the world is a bit more convincing. Research is still ongoing.
Here is a link to a study that can teach you more than this (small minded) blogger (LINK)
What does all that jazz actually mean? Mom brain is real. It’s documentable. It’s directly linked to memory loss, depression, and the unending brain fog that surrounds me.
It’s actually not my fault when I lock my keys in my car or forget to turn off the oven. It’s the fact that I’ve been pregnant and given birth four times, and that I have three children who constantly give me sleepless nights. It’s not that I don’t want to help my sixth grader with her math homework. It’s just that I’ve actually lost the ability to recall what I learned 20 years ago.
If I read a job description like the one you’ll find below I’d run for the hills.
But, somehow the adorable little whippersnappers have duped me into accepting the position three times now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Long-term position requiring a can-do attitude in a frequently tumultuous environment. Candidate must be willing to work full 24-hour shifts, often with little to no break time. All evenings and weekends required. Must be willing to give up control of your body completely for nine months, and be ready to offer it regularly at request for a minimum of six months after.
Must be immune to embarrassment or be prepared to embrace it. Must be willing to repeat the same comment over and over and be advised of how terrible your ability to cook is. Subsequently, must be willing to give up all food at request.
Must be prepared to assume responsibilities from the job descriptions of a nurse, teacher, chef, janitorial staff, gardener, dishwasher, assembly line worker, hair stylist, personal tutor, therapist, counselor, art director, lifeguard, personal assistant and event coordinator, entertainer, and body guard – interchangeably and without notice. Capability to assume multiple roles simultaneously for multiple clients preferred.
Must be prepared to be scrutinized and criticized by strangers, and pretty much everyone else you know or come in contact with between now and eternity, and be ready to be passionately told off by creatures of all sizes. Basically, be prepared to be verbally assaulted at any time.
Must assume complete responsibility at the end of the project for the quality of the client.
Wages and Compensation:
Nope. You’ll go broke doing this job. The more clients you take on the more your bank account will suffer. No sick days, no time off, no paid holidays. You’ll remain in this position with no ability to progress past this position for at least 18 years. In addition, upon accepting the position you cannot terminate the contract. You’re in for life.
Hugs, kisses and a full heart. Beaming pride in your project and progress. Expansion of your emotional capacity far beyond what you ever imagined possible.